Of Grief and
Earthly Treasures
by Mary E. Stephens
Feb.2, 2020
My mother has dementia. It is a difficult thing
to deal with as it progresses. Due to my dad being in the hospital two
nights in January it was necessary for me to help her with dressing and
taking care of her personal needs twice a day. I realized that her
clothing situation was in disarray. Things were rather jumbled and she
was not seeing things that she would wear and she was being confused by
many things that she either couldn't wear or that were difficult for her
to put on herself.
A friend of mine had offered to help with things
here, knowing some of the issues we've been dealing with. We made a date
and she helped me go through my mom's clothing and rearrange things so
that they are hopefully easier for Mom to use. We got rid of a lot of
things. At the end of the day my friend offered to take away the bag of
stuff to be donated and I agreed. The bag of trash was put at our house
for later disposal. It all seemed like a good thing at the time. My dad
was very happy to have this done and my mom mostly was happy with what
we did, only asking to keep a few special things.
 I
had no idea how much emotion and grief this process would stir up in me.
Getting rid of my own things has had its occasional challenges, but it
was different with Mom's things. The next morning the grief hit me like
an avalanche. This was an "end of life" event. Those clothes were gotten
rid of because my mom will never need them or be able to comfortably use
them again. Things were discarded that I or my sister-in-law had made
for her. Some she had worn out. I had tried to be thankful for that, but
the aftershocks and sort of panic made me realize that I was grieving
the loss of yet another part of my mother. It was really hard. Still is
by times.
In texting with one friend she mentioned how she
has saved clothes from when her children were babies. She understood my
emotional connection with those clothes of Mom's and why it caused me so
much sadness to get rid of them. It made me think about how we connect
clothing so closely with people and events and then that makes it hard
to let go of the things. Another friend said she thought maybe it gave
us a sense of comfort - perhaps in the connection to a time when
everything was still OK, so to speak. Connections. Memories are the glue
that keep the past with us. Without them it all slips away into
oblivion. That seems so final somehow, and a little scary.
When I was communicating with yet another friend
I realized that I was making treasures of earthly things, and that drew
me up short. I knew that was directly contrary to what Jesus clearly
told us to do, or rather not do.
Matthew 6:19-21 Lay
not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth
corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for
yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth
corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where
your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
In a strange way there is comfort and freedom
there. But, we have to take it. We do that by obeying it.
My mother's clothing is not her. Even her body
is not her. Some of these days when the Lord comes back, she will get a
new resurrected body that will last her for eternity. That is
mind-blowing in the face of how her earthly body is failing her at
present.
I don't really need those clothes, those things,
to remember my mom and her love for me or her service to the Lord. But,
even if I do forget, everything that is of value, everything that is of use in
God's plan, has been recorded in heaven and laid up for her against that
day when the works of the saints will be tried. (2
Corinthians 5:10) Nothing that is truly precious will be lost -
neither her nor her good works.
She is safe. Even when she no longer remembers
who I am - she herself is safe in Jesus' hands. And no man, no loss of
her memory, no loss of my memories of her, can take her out of His hand.
(John 10:28-29) All the
important things are remembered by Him and if they are needed by anyone,
He can bring them to light.
But, earthly clothing is not the substance that
heavenly treasures are made of. It is OK to be sad at the results of the
curse of sin on this earth. But it is also OK to let the earthly things
go. It is safe to let them go. Because God won't forget anything that is
important. And in the final analysis, that is all that really matters,
isn't it?
background and graphics by Mary Stephens
vintage graphic: unknown source
CA
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